I can't believe he did it!!!

So I have this nifty software on my blog from statcounter recommended by Cecily (thanks Cec) that tracks how many hits, where they're coming from, etc. So I was checking it yesterday and I see where my hits are coming from. I have quite a few from Georgia (thanks peaches) and some from the UK (thanks lasses) and one lonely hit from Australia (thanks shelia). They also have this information diviied up by IP address. I am not a computer wizard by any stretch, but I see a hit from the IP address of my husband's company. His company is well known (and I would mention it here but it's small) and not mistakeable for any other. So I immediately call him and bust him. Mr. Pious, Mr. I'd never look at your blog got caught in a big, fat lie. At first he tried to deny it, but really he couldn't.

I wasn't really mad, I was more happy that he isn't all perfect as he claims. So if you're reading this honey, neener, neener, neener, you're not perfect. You're just as weak as I would be if I knew you had a blog. So he read it and was upset that I called him spineless and asks me "what it's like being married to a jelly fish?" So in the end he took it well. I love him to pieces and he is the best in the world, he's human and faulted and I love him even more.

For those in the States, enjoy the long weekend the weather in Chicago is supposed to be grand, I hope it's the same for all of you. And for everyone else, enjoy the weekend.

Random Things

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone with my wavering feelings of parenthood. I've never admitted that to anyone before. I was always afraid of their reaction.

On another note, my best friend's last day of work is tomorrow. We've become the very best of friends since we've worked together the last year and a half. I'm happy for her, but sad for me. We are both contractors at an up-and-coming pharma company and we've shared an office for the last 8 months. I will miss her presence every day. I hope they don't stick a whack-job in here with me.

I know you're all shocked that I've been able to post 3 whole days in a row. To tell the truth, I'm pretty shocked myself. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with it.

On the baby front: Still waiting for the cycle to start.

Is it only me?

So I was driving home yesterday, reminiscing about our CA trip and I thought to myself "if we have kids, we probably won't be able to do stuff like that anymore." I mean I know people with kids still take trips and such, as evidenced by our plane rides, but it won't be as carefree and spur of the moment. These last three years I've concentrated on making a family have been full of disappointment and waiting. Yesterday, while driving, it kinda struck a chord and I asked myself do I really want to have kids? Does anyone else go through these spells or am I the only one?

I'm back!

LA county is beautiful. LA the city is a whole different story.

We had a great time. The weather in LA was really warm though, upper 90s on Friday and Saturday.

When we arrived Thursday we headed to the Playboy studios. We were supposed to meet up with someone who'd give us a tour. The husband arranged this. According to the husband, the guy we were meeting had an appt. at 4, but if we missed him one of his other guys would be happy to show us around. So we get there at 4:30, plane landed at 2, got the rental car by 3, and sat on the expressways (I know they're freeways but I'm from Chicago and they're always expressways here.) for the other 1 1/2 hrs. Traffic there was pretty bad. The studios are in Glendale which is only about 25 miles from LAX but it still took forever to get there.

When we arrived we asked for the guy who was supposed to give us the tour and was told he'd left for the day, duh but someone else could give the tour. Not sure if I've shared with you the sometimes lack of a backbone my husband has. He took this news and we walked out the door. I didn't want to cause a scene so I followed him out. I couldn't believe that we'd just driven all that way only to turn around and leave. Needless to say, words were exchanged in the car and that's how we spent the next 35 mins in the car. Finally, we came to an agreement and started talking again. He can be such a spineless twit sometimes.

At this point we're pretty hungry because we haven't eaten since breakfast. I get really cranky when I'm hungry so we find an In and Out Burger because we knew we'd have to try "the best burger in the world." Husband and I will both freely admit it is a really damn good burger. Of course, being the computer world nerd he is he knew that the secret code was to ask for it animal style. This means that you get extra secret sauce (I think it's like a glorified Thousand Island) and grilled instead of raw onions. When I requested this at the register I was asked if I wanted my fries animal style too, and I said yes. This means that they put a couple slices of cheese, the grilled onions, and the secret sauce on the fries. This meal was insane but it was really damn good. I am a convert now and think that In and Out does have the best burgers in the world. I want them to open one in Chicago. Maybe we can exchange a White Castle for an In and Out.

The day ended with a drive down Hollywood, only to be smack dab in the middle of a premier for the new Adam Sandler movie The Longest Yard. It was cool to see the crowd. Didn't see anyone of discernable celebritydom. On the plane in, however, we saw Dylan Walsh, bka Shawn McNamara from Nip/Tuck. Didn't say anything to him because it looked like he was trying to lay low. He's shorter than I expected, but just as cute in person as he is on the show.

Friday, the husband went to the convention and I did the typical Rodeo drive thing. The sales people were really nice. I was expecting them to be snotty. I spent about 40 mins. in the Lladro store. They're so beautiful. Then I was in Cartier, Tiffany, Louis Vuitton, Prada, etc. As I said in a previous post, I couldn't afford any of those things anyway. It was fun to browse though.

Saturday we started out the day with a tour of the Playboy mansion. It really is beautiful. We weren't allowed to tour the house but we did tour the grounds, the guest house, the game room, and of course the grotto. The grotto is much smaller than you see on TV. It's actually quite cozy. Of course I don't think I'd take a swim because of all the things that go on in there, but to see it was great. Heff's got an aviary and small zoo. He's got monkeys and bunnies. Tons of birds though. He gets them from various bird rescue organizations. The grounds are beautiful, it's no wonder he never leaves. Everything comes to him. We got to meet one of his girls, she was working out in the gym preparing for a shoot later that day.

After the mansion, we went to the Hollywood area so I could get some cheesy souveniers and I could see Mann's Chinese Theater and the Hollywood Walk of Fame. We also stopped in the wax museum, it was pretty cool. Hollywood is pretty seedy and dirty outside of the theater area.

After the Hollywood experience, we went to Pasadena to troll around downtown. There was this store that was advertising on the hotel television station called Lather. They billed themselves as a modern apothecary, all natural ingredients, etc. I really wanted to check it out. They were cool, got to try everything before I bought it. I got this almond shave cream and used it that night. It is really nice and smells heavenly. We ate at a Mexican restaurant a few doors down and just window shopped the rest of the night. It was beautiful, I really like Pasadena. Just for fun, we searched to see how much homes were in the area and for a 600 sq. foot, 1 bedroom, 2 bath house on 2000 sq. feet of property it was 450K. I couldn't believe it.

Sunday our flight was at 10 am, so we got up and left for the airport.

We had an awesome time and I would totally do it again minus the Hollywood part. I think once you do it one time, you've done it for your lifetime.

On the baby front: I just finished my last provera pill yesterday. Hopefully my cycle will start in the next few days and then on to 100 mg Clomid.

I'm still trying to catch up on blogs, I hope everyone is doing well.

I can't believe no one has any ideas.

So no one has any ideas of what to do in LA? I'm shocked.

I'll probably do typical touristy stuff. Mann's Chinese Theater, the Hollywood stars, Santa Monica pier, must at least walk Rodeo drive. My husband also has arranged for us to tour the Playboy mansion while we're there. I'm pretty excited about that too. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I'm open to any other suggestions for places to visit/eat/shop...

Hope all is well in the Infertile Kingdom.

You guys rock!

Thanks so much for the well wishes. To show you how much I appreciate them, I'm writing another post today, I know I know, hold the applause.

So doctor's office called and I have not ovulated. The great thing was that I didn't even have to ask for the provera or the bigger Clomid dosage they did it anyway. When I got back from lunch I had a message from the office saying what the plan was and that they needed the number to my pharmacy. This clinic is looking better all the time.

So I will start the provera today, if the scrip is ready.

Susie: My plan is to do the Clomid thing for 3 tries. This is time number 1 at 50mg, next I'll be doing 100mg. Can't wait to see what I'll be like on the higher dosage. If it's not working well after those three, I'll request injectables and do it that way for another 3 times.

I really want to keep IVF as a last resort because we only have 3 tries. I live in Illinois so I already know that I'm super lucky to have any IF coverage at all, but three times is it. I'd also like to have more than one kid. I'm so afraid to have tried everything and all my IVF chances to be used up and have nothing to show for it in the end but a bruised ass and floor cake.

So now we have another plan. Cheers for plans.

On a completely different note, I will be spending Thursday through Sunday in LA. My husband is going to E3 (for those not married to super geeks, it's an annual video game conference where they showcase all the latest systems, games, etc.). While he is at the conference, I'll need some things to occupy my time. I've never been to LA before. I don't tend towards the designer clothes offered on Rodeo drive, but will be touring there just to say I've been. Do any of you live in/near LA? Do any of you love any particular part of LA? What is a must see/do/eat while we're there?

Can't wait to hear what you recommend we do.

Why can't it ever be easy?

If I were to have blogged yesterday, like I intended to, you’d be reading a very different post. Yesterday’s post would have been cheery and hopeful. Today’s post is disappointing and upsetting.

As you all know, I started u/s monitoring on Sunday. Sunday’s ultrasound showed that there was 1 follicle on my left ovary measuring 14mm. I was happy, there was hope that this rushed cycle would actually accomplish something. Then yesterday I started googling around for success rates with IUI. I really should’ve done more homework before the IUI. In normal women (ie, no PCOS), they get more than one follicle when they use Clomid. So yesterday, after learning this pearl of wisdom, my balloon of hope got a little prick in it (and not the good kind), but I was still hopeful. After the u/s on Sunday I was told to come back in on Tuesday for another u/s and hopefully a trigger.

Well, today is Tuesday and the news is not good. I learned today that I now have one follicle on each side both measuring 12mm. WTF happened?!?!? So there is no trigger and this cycle is a bust. After learning this, the nurse sent me for p4 levels. There are two possible outcomes from the p4 results: 1.) I ovulated yesterday, so maybe the sex we had on Sunday worked (yeah, right-it’s never that easy for us infertiles) or 2.) my body is continuing its revolt and gave a big old, double fisted FU to the Clomid and said do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Any future plans are hinging on the p4 results. If it shows I ovulated, I suppose the monitoring schedule will have to be altered. If it shows I didn’t ovulate, I will insist on provera so I can be over with this cycle and request that my Clomid dosage be upped so maybe next time it will work. Do any of you seasoned pros out there have any other suggestions?

Damn Hope, damn her straight to hell!!!

Fortune Cookies

So I went out to eat shortly after the RE appt. and in my fortune cookie was a wonderful fortune that I really, truly want to believe. It said:

Look to the next month for some pleasant surprises.

Now we all in the infertile world love to look at small things as “signs” and I’m doing just that with this so when this month ends up with a negative result you can all come back and tell me I told you so and smack me upside the head and say “that’s what I get for letting Hope creep in.”

Prepare yourself for a long post because it’s been so long since I’ve updated and so much has happened. I will try and keep it chronological.

Wed., May 4
RE appointment was at 11:30. Arrived on time, early even (since you guys don’t know me that well yet I will inform you that this is a feat in and of itself-I’m that girl that will be late to my own funeral, seriously). I guess I’m really taking this stuff seriously, as well I should be.

When we arrived there was another couple in the waiting room and the guy did everything in his power to remain hidden and not to make eye contact. He went so far as to hold the newspaper up in front of his face while he was sitting there waiting. I figure that he had to give a sample for an IUI or something that involved him providing a sample. Poor guy, I wish I could’ve said not to be embarrassed but I liken it to the first bra experience for an adolescent girl, you know the one where Helga the big German woman measures you and comes into the dressing room to put your boobies in their bra for the first time. But I digress…

***On a side note to answer Dramalish’s e-mail question: You’re absolutely right, there are no good magazines in the office. Thank goodness husband was there to entertain me.***

The appointment went well. We told him what happened last time and why we didn’t come back for almost a year (you know the miscarriage and all). He was sorry to hear about it, showed the appropriate millisecond of concern and then moved on to the plan (insert appropriate orchestral duh, duh, duh). So since everyone else has named their RE, I guess I will name mine Dr. To the Point (TtP).

Before we get into the plan, I have to share the revolt my body was waging against me for the week before the appointment. So this was the first cycle off Clomid, my body decides to start spotting after what my fertility monitor and temperatures considered ovulation. I have no idea why, it just happened. So our appointment was what I thought was 6 dpo. The spotting had turned in to light bleeding the day before and the day of the appointment. Dr. TtP wanted me to have my estrogen and progesterone levels taken so we can know whether this is period or whether this is post-ovulation. That’s it, now I can start in with the plan.

Once the estrogen and progesterone results were in was when the decision would be made on what cycle day I was on. If they both came back low then it would mean I start Clomid in preparation for an IUI. If they came back high it would mean I was still in the LP and would have to wait till my period really came, whatever that means, before I could start Clomid again.

Of course, while I was in with him I confessed to him that I’d been drugging on the side and showed him my Clomid charts. He had no idea what would cause the horribly long LPs that I experienced while taking the Clomid for those past 2 cycles (if you’ll recall my LPs during those 2 cycles were 22 and 29 days respectively). Of course I get to be the lucky one that stumps the RE, yay me, what do I win?

So the plan was set:
Wait for estrogen and progesterone levels
Start Clomid if CD 3
Husband needs another SA (it’s been 1 ½ years since the last one)
HSG
U/S monitoring starting at CD 13
IUI+trigger

Thurs. May 5
So I patiently, or not so patiently truth be told, wait for the results from Wed.’s blood work. I stupidly call at 9 am thinking that the blood taken at 12:30 pm the day before would be analyzed, silly me. I get a message on my voicemail stating to call back later results are not in. I decide to give a full 24 hours and call back at 1:30 (I gave them an extra hour). Here is that conversation:

Nurse: Everything is normal.
Me: What does that mean exactly?
Nurse: It means everything is OK.
Me: But I need to know whether or not the results mean I’m in my luteal phase or in the follicular phase.
Nurse: silence…chirp, chirp, chirp
Me: I need to know whether I’m on my period or whether I just ovulated (obviously I needed to dumb it down for the infertility nurse)
Nurse: I don’t know, I’ll have the doctor call you
Me: Can I have the actual numbers (thinking in my head, so I can call on Dr. Google and figure out wtf is going on)
Nurse: Progesterone is 0.55 and estrogen is 42.
Me: Thanks and please make sure the doctor calls because I need to know whether or not to start the Clomid today.

Could that call be any more frustrating. So I google like mad for all these numbers and I’m not coming up with much. Then I finally remember that there’s a link on Grrl’s blog and I go there immediately. From what I read it looked like I was in the first part of my next cycle. So if Dr. TtP didn’t call back, because I really wasn’t expecting him to, I would start the Clomid.

Amazingly enough he called back and said that I should start the Clomid since I was on CD 3. So this was Clomid day #1.

Mon., May 9
Husband has SA scheduled for 2:15 and I have the HSG scheduled for 12:30. Once again, I was early to the appointment.

HSG was not as bad as I expected. I heard some bad stories about it and for those of you who’ve had a bad HSG I’m so sorry. There was a bit of pressure, cramping, and some spotting but all in all, not bad. Not that I would get one everyday, but not bad.

Everything was all clear.

Haven’t called for husband’s SA results yet. I figure I can ask for them during the monitoring visit.

Now…we…wait.

My U/S monitoring starts May 15, this Sunday. I hope I’m growing a nice follicle. If it shows I’m ready, I guess I get the hCG trigger and IUI that day. Husband is thrilled about coming with every morning to see if he’s needed. He said the rooms were pretty good. His biggest complaint was that they had a VCR and tapes. He’s very techno-geek and this really stuck in his craw. I told him that if he wanted he could donate a DVD player and some DVDs if it bothered him that much.

So that’s where we’re at. I will do my best to not neglect you lovely ladies anymore. I’m a bad blogger and the biggest procrastinator in the whole wide world. If the task gets to be too big, I want to do it less and less. Everyday that went by that I didn’t update I just had more and more to talk about, hence the super-long post. I think this is my longest yet. Hopefully I won’t beat this length any time soon.

Thanks for hanging in there and listening to my drivel.

Well wishes to the Infertile Kingdom.

Only -6% republican...what have I done to deserve this.

I am: -6% Republican.

"You're a damn Commie! Where's Tailgunner Joe when we need him?"

Are You A Republican?

Thanks Wonder Woman. I can't believe I'm only -6% republican, I thought I'd be at least -50%.

I'll post a real post later with an update of yesterday's activities. And I won't keep you all in suspense anymore, I didn't test. I figured to save the few bucks and test when I really can't control the cold sweats and ticks.

I'm in good company

It's good to see that I'd be in good company with searching far and wide for my husband's blog. I don't know how they do it. We're very lucky though.

On to other things...our date with the RE is coming ever soon. The appointment is at 11:30 am CST, May 4. I know you're all excited, I know I am. Last time we met with this RE I was unknowingly pregnant so of course I have these insane notions that I'm pregnant this time too and that all it takes is an appt. with this guy to get knocked up. If that's the case and I am pregnant now I will be more than happy to publish his phone number so everyone else can give him a ring and make an "appt."

I know I'm speaking crazy thoughts about the possibility of being pregnant ever since my body clearly let me know its stance on the whole thing. There's always that lingering hope that resides in my heart. Even though my head knows better, my head and heart are sometimes on different wavelengths.

I don't even know where I'm at in my cycle other than 23 days have elapsed since the start of the cycle. My cycles have been so bad that I can't even say with any certainty that I'm pre or post ovulatory despite all the money that I paid for this. So I'm debating about whether to test on Wednesday before I go.

I may not test just because it doesn't matter either way, I'm not cancelling the appointment even if I am pregnant because I'll want him to monitor my hCG and progesterone levels.

What do you gals think? To test or not to test?