Plain Jane has a what?!?!?

After 3 years of infertility, now learning how to be a mom.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Work has hit the proverbial fan!

Hi all. You may not be hearing from me much in the next month or so because everything at work has hit the fan. My boss, a lady I didn't like very much and had no respect for, was fired on Monday. One might think that is excellent news and it is, it really is. The bad thing about it is it came on the heels of the only other person in the group's last day, which was Friday. Needless to say, things have been a wee bit hectic around here. Good news is it most likely means a permanent (ie, not contract) position for me. Something I've been looking for for a while.

Had my 24-week checkup on Monday. Everything looks great. My weight is good, my pee is good, baby weighs almost 2 lbs. All is good.

So to keep you occupied I've taken the momma quiz:

Punk Mama
You're a punk rock mommy! DIY is probably your
motto, because you're a punk mama at heart.
Your kids are getting your independent spirit
and guts, and learning to solve problems
themselves. You love it when they show their
independence, even when it's breaking your

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by

Monday, November 07, 2005

Not Excited Enough?

So my mom called yesterday with her standard "how are you doing" phone call. I told her the truth, I was feeling great, Fish is still moving around like crazy, feeling a bit overwhelmed after a trip to Babies R Us to shop for a shower gift for my cousin, nothing much more than that. Then, she hits me with the whopper of "I'm worried about you. I'm worried that you're not as excited about this pregnancy as you were about the first. Maybe it's time to seek professional help." I had no words, no witty retort, nothing. My jaw just hung open. The only response I could muster was "I'm not a generally excitable person." It's the truth. I try to live my life very mellowly with little drama. My family provides enough drama, the last thing I need to do is add to it.

So, after getting off the phone, I start second guessing myself. How are you supposed to behave when you're pregnant? Am I not excited enough? I asked the husband what he thought. His reply was as expected, "your mom is insane, why do you talk to her." Of course he had other reasons backing his claim up, but the question was still ringing in my head. He really doesn't know any more than I do about the whole "how you're supposed to behave when you're pregnant" thing. So I pose this question to all of you, what should I be doing?

I feel like I'm at the point after infertility where I just want to be normal for a little while. Aren't I entitled to that? I don't feel that every other word that comes out of my mouth should be baby because I'm still a wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. I want to just be me for a little while. I just want to be a wife for a little while. Do these thoughts run in contradiction to being pregnant and hopefully a mother? I really hope they don't. If they do, I'm hella screwed.

Infertility is a bitch and it takes so much from you. Is it too much to ask to be able to go back to being you for a little while before life takes another huge change with parenthood? Does this make me sound ungrateful for the wonderful gift we've been given? I truly hope not.

I'm taking advantage of the time we have before Fish arrives. I want to enjoy my husband, I want to enjoy myself. I don't feel like in order for me to show excitement that I have to talk about the baby in every sentence. Isn't it enough that I show the u/s pictures to anyone/everyone who inquires? I'm having a great pregnancy and have no maladies. Should I make some up so I can talk about the pregnancy even more? I don't want to be one of those pregnant women, or parents for that matter, that can't have a conversation that doesn't revolve around the child/ren. (Please take no offense if you lump yourself in with that category, if it weren't for people like you, people like me would never talk about their pregnancies, children, etc)

I just don't know how to react to what my mom said. I've always had issues with my mom and falling short of her expectations. I guess I've fallen short again. It's something I should be used to, but this one hit to the core. It's like she's questioning my love for this very much wanted and cared for Fish.

Sorry for the long, disjointed post. As you can see, I'm not done processing this and am just not sure how I will proceed with dealing with her.

Update on house projects: I know you'll all be so surprised, but I haven't done a damn thing. I really do work well under a deadline, so we'll see what happens as December 3rd draws near.