Plain Jane has a what?!?!?

After 3 years of infertility, now learning how to be a mom.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


Dead baby thoughts.

It's hard being in transition. I'm not getting the weekly ultrasounds I was getting a couple weeks ago and I'm not far enough along to be comforted by the kicks to my bladder. I still fit, quite comfortably I might add, in all of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I rented a doppler, but I think it might be more trouble than it's preventing. See, I'm a big girl and I think that's making it more difficult to hear the heartbeat. I think I've only really heard it once. So, of course, every time I can't find it I have DBTs.

I know that logically there shouldn't be anything wrong. I haven't had any bleeding, cramping, or the like and every u/s I've had has been perfect. Everything's measuring where it should be, heartbeat visible, movement visible, etc. (at least as of last u/s 1 1/2 weeks ago). But it's all the things that I'm not experiencing that drive me crazy. I mean, shouldn't I look at least a little pregnant at 14+ weeks. Maybe I'm expecting too much. This is my first child and I know that's probably why I haven't started showing yet, but damn those evil Fertility Friend message boards and all the ladies on there posting belly pics much less farther along than I am, but showing much more.

I think the thing that freaks me out the most is not hearing the heartbeat on the monitor. I'm driving my husband crazy and I'm proving my mom right. My mom said it would be a bad idea to rent a doppler because it would drive me crazy if I couldn't find it and guess what, it has.

So, thanks for listening to a big, whiny post. WAH!


  • At 9/06/2005 12:42 PM, Anonymous Dooneybug said…

    Awww PJ, I'm sorry you are having DBT's. I don't know what to tell you about the doppler. When is your next appointment? I hope this time passes quickly so you can see your healthy baby soon and be reassured!

  • At 9/06/2005 1:19 PM, Blogger Susie said…

    Hey PJ, I am a big girl too and the doppler definitely did not work for me regularly until after 14 weeks. Also, I only started to "look" a little pregnant in the last week or two (I am 18 weeks today). I read somewhere that larger women can sometimes go months without really showing.

    The good side is that I have not gained a pound since the pregnancy began ... my doctor is very happy with me, since she only wanted me to gain 15 total in the whole pregnancy.

    Try not to stress too much about the doppler. I can get it every time I try now, but sometimes it takes a minute. I still usually have the best luck with it way down low, below my belly, not like the doctor does it in her office, up on top.

    BTW, I am still not feeling any movement. I will be happy when that starts up.

    Hang in there, you're doing great!

  • At 9/06/2005 2:14 PM, Anonymous kiwi said…

    I'm sorry you're having DBT. That happened to me too, especially when I read, like you, other women talking about how much their belly had grown or how much they felt the baby move while I could still fit in my stretchy pants. They all seemed to have much more symptoms and annoyances than I've had too. Nothing to ease our minds when we're worried! And you know what? I'm now almost 20 weeks and I seem to have caught up with them. We have a saying in French, which goes something like "we'll all get to Christmas the same day".

    I hope your next appointment is soon so you can put your mind at rest for a while.

  • At 9/06/2005 4:08 PM, Blogger Julie said…

    Yikes - that has got to be hard. I'm hope that your belly pops out soon and your little one is tickling you in no time :) HUGS!

  • At 9/06/2005 4:16 PM, Blogger penelope said…

    I'm almost 17 weeks and have nothing to show for it but a heaving, bizarrely firm, bosom. My clothes pretty much all fit and I keep waiting for some more proof that this actually worked.

    Hang in there - infertiles have weird thoughts and it's our damn prerogative.

  • At 9/06/2005 6:34 PM, Blogger Dramalish said…

    I'm with Susie on the big girl thing. I'm a size 14 and my NP said that with my "large birthing hips" (yes, she said those words. sigh) I would carry the baby very "centrally" and not show until later either.

    Hang in there.
    We'll get there soon- that point where we are looking for some relief from all those kicks and squishes.


  • At 9/06/2005 7:29 PM, Anonymous T said…

    Must be a 14 week thing - I'm feeling the same way and I just rented a doppler today - it'll probably screw me up royally. Sigh. Good luck - when's the next appointment?

  • At 9/06/2005 7:36 PM, Blogger Cathy said…

    If your OB is nearby, you might want to give them a call to see if you can drop in and they can use their doppler on you.

  • At 9/07/2005 12:48 AM, Blogger Ova Girl said…

    PJ that's spooky and i'm sorry. These gals above have great comments though and I hope you feel a bit better. It's your blog!You're allowed to whine as much as you like!

  • At 9/07/2005 6:07 AM, Blogger stilhoping12 said…

    That has to be really scary. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I hope everything is OK and your stomach pops out soon.

    Thinking of you.

  • At 9/07/2005 8:41 AM, Blogger chris said…

    I've thought the same thing about those dopplers. It seems like no one gets a heartbeat with them until weeks after the company says you will.

    Hang in there. You weren't whining.

    Take care.

  • At 9/07/2005 3:53 PM, Anonymous Lisa said…

    I know those DBTs are so hard to handle. If it's any consolation, I wasn't showing at all when I hit 16 weeks but something happened between then and 17 weeks and I finally look somewhat pregnant. As for the doppler, those are really tricky and there are so many variables as to why you can't hear it. Call your doctor if you have too long to wait between appointments...they're usually really good about helping you to calm your fears.

  • At 9/07/2005 6:02 PM, Blogger Panda said…

    I'm right there with you with the DBT's. 11w4d and its been two weeks since I last heard the heartbeat and another two til the NT san. Since my nausea started to disappear at 11w I've been convinced Something Has Happened. This is the problem with having so much more information than the fertile myrtles. I read on another blog today about antiphosphilopid (sp?) antibodies causing miscarraige at any stage and have been racking my brains to remember if I've been tested for that.

    ARG. I think the paranoia is normal, given what we've had to go through to get here. I'm hoping its normal anyway.

    I cant wait to have a big belly. At the moment I just look like I've eaten too much (which is probably true.)

  • At 9/08/2005 12:12 PM, Blogger tania said…

    I'm sure everything is just fine! It can take an experienced nurse or doc a while to find a heartbeat in the office, so I'm sure your little gymnast is just hiding when you're trying to find it!

    It does take awhile to show with your first. I think I was around 16 weeks when I showed. Now I'm at 12 and can barely fit into any of my normal clothes and am in maternity clothes that are too big.

    You'll get there!

  • At 9/08/2005 2:16 PM, Blogger Em said…

    I will probably be the same if and when I get pregnant.
    I really hope Met works for me!

  • At 9/08/2005 11:09 PM, Blogger P. said…

    Whine away girlie - we are here to listen to you. Here's hoping that your belly pops out and you can hear the beat on the doppler soon.

  • At 9/09/2005 9:33 AM, Anonymous Brenda said…

    Thats what we are here for... to listen. I know for a fact that I will be the same way if I get pg.

  • At 9/15/2005 9:02 PM, Anonymous Figlet said…

    My sister is as far along as you and she's not showing either. I have a feeling both of you are going to pop at the same time. Let's keep the DBTs at bay, ok?!

  • At 9/19/2005 2:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You will be showing before you know it! Enjoy wearing your pre-preg clothes while you can :-)

  • At 10/25/2005 9:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yes i have been experiencing the same kind of thoughts..i am 20 weeks now and barely showing, ive felt the baby move about twice about 4 days ago so now im wondering why i havent felt it since, so i kno what ur going thru and DBT and thinking something is wrong. but hang in there because im sure everything is fine, we all have these thoughts,we just want our lil ones to be ok.. and im sure they are!


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